Wednesday, March 23, 2011

No bestiality? No droopy drawers? We're saved!

All of us should feel so much safer, so much better today as Florida citizens than we did yesterday.

Thanks to two pieces of bold legislation moved to a final vote by the august Florida Senate, our great state is poised to take a giant leap forward.

That body of elected leaders in Tallahassee will be hailed as visionaries.

For outlawing bestiality.

And droopy drawers.

Let the rest of America laugh.

If Floridians can depend on one thing, it's the Legislature to give us comic relief.

Take the Senate's courageous stand against bestiality.

Sex with animals has long been a hot button topic with Florida's citizenry.

It surpasses education, economy and environment in importance.


Sen. Nan Rich has been the vanguard against bestiality, which the Senate has been trying to make illegal for the past three years.

A Democrat, she represents one of Florida's most rural districts --- Weston, a planned community that dates all the way back to 1996.

Weston? Rural? Sure. It borders the Everglades.

Sen. Ronda Storms, R-Valrico, another towering pillar of enlightenment, said she would not want to even speculate why there would be opposition to having sex with animals, a first-degree misdemeanor.

You mean, it's not a hanging offense?

Well then, wearing one's pants at half-mast must qualify.

For a paddling at the very least.
If the Senate has its way, students should not wear clothing which exposes their behinds or their BVDs in

Such was the resolute intent of legislation authored by Sen. Gary Siplin, D-Orlando, another paragon of propriety in a town bereft of same.

He termed his bill a "code of student conduct" and a "pro-family, pro-education, pro-jobs" bill.

If you're wondering making it illegal for youths to show their butts or boxers will strike a telling blow for education in Florida or generate more jobs, there's a simple explanation.

It had to be Gov. Rick Scott's idea

1 comment:

  1. I realize it's a "fun" topic to write about, but I'm disappointed about the criticism of efforts to outlaw bestiality. I really think legislators in Tallahassee can focus on the economy AND quickly pass small bills, like the bestiality ban, that have no opposition and require no debate.